Category Archives: Convention 2013 “Believe”

Triumphing over infertility

Before the testimonial, some stats regarding infertility:

  • Infertility affects 6.7 million women in the U.S. — about 11% of the reproductive-age population
  • In a survey of married women, the CDC found that 1.5 million women in the US (6%) are infertile
  • Infertility affects men and women equally
  • Irregular/abnormal ovulation accounts for approximately 25 % of all female infertility problems
  • 25% of infertile couples have more than one factor that contributes to their infertility
  • In about 40 % of infertile couples, the male partner is either the sole cause or a contributing cause of infertility
  • Most infertility cases — 85% to 90% — are treated with conventional medical therapies such as medication or surgery
  • 12% of all infertility cases are a result of the woman either weighing too little or too much
  • Men and Women who smoke have decreased fertility
  • The risk of miscarriage is higher for pregnant women who smoke
  • Up to 13 % of female infertility is caused by cigarette smoking

Treatments for fertility problems in women depend on what may be keeping the woman from getting pregnant. Sometimes the cause isn’t known.

Treatment may include taking medicine, such as:

  • Clomid {It stimulates your ovaries to release eggs.}
  • Metformin {It’s used to treat PCOS}

Unexplained infertility. If your doctor can’t find out why you and your partner haven’t been able to get pregnant, treatment may include:

  • Clomid
  • Hormone injections
  • Insemination
  • Blocked or damaged tubes. If your tubes are blocked, treatment may include surgery to unblock them

Endometriosis treatment may include surgery to remove endometrial tissue growth. This treatment may not be an option if you have severe endometriosis.

Treatment for the man:

  • Your doctor might recommend that you try insemination first.  (WebMD)

Not a one of those treatments are without risks, not a one.

The following testimonial is incredibly personal to me, as it comes from my daughter and son-in-love.  They have been married just over 5 years and we’ve known since she was very little that her biggest desire in life has been to become a mother.  She loves children and is very good with them.  Infertility is also something I have had no clue how to be supportive of as her mother having had 10 children and never struggling in this area.  We have watched them agonize over “when, when, when, when………. which started giving way to IF”… so very hard.  Following is the announcement she shared on Facebook and subsequently allowed me to share here.

Photo credit:  Wise Capture

Photo credit: Wise Capture

 

Jonathan and I are stunned, humbled, and exceedingly grateful to be able to announce that we are expecting a baby in January of 2015. Thank you all so much for your support. I have been terrified to share this, as it is so raw and very, very personal. But how will people know, if you don’t tell them? How can they share your joy, if you won’t share how you’ve suffered?

We have been dealing rather privately with infertility issues for a number of years now. The reason for keeping things quiet has been simple: to avoid unsolicited, unwanted, often ignorantly wounding comments and advice. We have encountered our fair share, and it quickly became apparent that it was far less painful to keep our struggles to ourselves. Infertility and the emotions that go along with it are not easily understood.

If our story can get one person to research, “What not to say to infertile couples” and actually change how they interact with people, then it is now worth sharing. I won’t go into all this myself, because the vast selection of articles, blogs, and books that you can find on the subject are all more or less the same. And they’re all right. Please, take the time to find out how you can show compassion to someone around you who is suffering this way. I guarantee you, you know someone struggling with infertility.

Another reason to share some of our story now is that I want you to know that I don’t judge you. I don’t judge you for your situation that I have not lived. I don’t pretend to understand, or know the answers, or have a right to tell you how to cope or feel. I have never been more acutely aware of this than now.

All this time, I have felt so alone. The irony is that I never was.

We have received beautiful, loving support from various family members and close friends. This has helped me to understand that there are probably others out there struggling with something that no one else understands, perhaps feeling that they have no one to talk to. No safe place to vent without fear of being criticized. I want to commit to be that safe place. That’s who I want to be as a person, a safe friendship, no matter what.

My primary reason for opening up about infertility is to share with someone who may not know that there is another way to deal with this. There are things you can try besides drugs, chemicals, and hormones. (If you are choosing something different than I did, I am not sitting in judgment of you. I just want to share what worked for me.)

The medical community has been failing me for years by refusing to address my problems, blowing off my concerns, and treating me like an idiot. I allowed it. Until one day, I didn’t.

I knew I was never going to do any traditional fertility treatments. They scared me too much. One day a friend shared with me that she was seeing a naturopath for her health issues (not fertility related). Finally it clicked. This is what I was looking for! I started seeing Dr. Robert Powell in North Canton. I made significant dietary changes, started exercising a minimum of four times a week, and began taking all natural plant based supplements. I could hardly believe the changes I experienced. It was immediate. Until this point, I had not had normal periods for years. Having three cycles a year was my normal. I was not ovulating or producing any progesterone on my own. In one month, I started having a regular period. By three months, I was producing my own progesterone. In about nine month’s time, I had achieved a textbook perfect menstrual cycle, with zero PMS side effects. (Did you know it is not normal to experience any symptoms during your period?!). I lost weight (and gained muscle!). I eliminated my back pain. I stopped getting cavities. For the first time in 10+ years, I was able to quit my allergy steroid. Now I have very minimal seasonal allergies that are managed solely with local, raw honey. For crying out loud, my vision improved.

Even if I had never conceived, I completely changed my life. The difference in how I felt physically couldn’t have been more startling.

Once I had my physical problems in line, I started using Young Living essential oils to deal with my emotional and spiritual angst.

My mother thought it was hilarious but I would sit at the kitchen table smelling the “Believe” oil repeating out loud (like the girl from the original Miracle on 34th Street),

“I believe. I believe. I feel silly, but I believe.”

6 weeks later, I was pregnant.

Through the years, people would try to encourage me with platitudes such as “Just keep praying for your miracle” and “When the time is right, God will answer your prayers” also “If your faith was great enough, God would hear you and grant you your heart’s desire.” Allow me to respond with a platitude of my own. God helps those who help themselves. Snarky? Perhaps. But I have been praying. For a long, long time. I am so tired of platitudes. God wasn’t giving me my miracle, because He wanted action from me. He wanted me to step up, take responsibility for myself, and make changes in my life. Some people do just need to keep praying for their miracle. But God’s answer for me wasn’t a miracle. It was hard work. It was time to take control of my life and be responsible for how I was living.

People always want to look for the good in bad situations, the beauty that comes from the suffering. I’m sorry, but there is no beauty in infertility. Not for me.

For me there has been:

  • Pain
  • Shame
  • Heart ache
  • Broken dreams
  • Shattered lives
  • Jealousy
  • Rage
  • Bitterness
  • Faltering faith
  • Loss
  • Brokenness
  • Emptiness

I did see something though. Something I had never seen before. I don’t care what anyone says about feminism or being politically correct. My whole life, I knew what I wanted in a man. I wanted a hero. You’ve heard the song?

“I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life.”

When I met Jonathan, I knew right away I could trust him. He was honest and kind, strong and steady, constant and fearless. I never doubted him. He was gentle, loving, tender-hearted to his very core.

But now, when our world fell apart and everything shattered, I saw him differently.   He was my hero. He was hard. He was steel.

  • He was: I will get up and go to work every single day, and I will make enough money so that you don’t have to. You can stay home and cry every day if you want to, because I will provide for us.
  • He was: I will stop every phone call, every inquiry, and every personal interaction that you don’t want. If people want to ask something, they have to go through me first.
  • He was: Don’t want to see them? I will get rid of them. Don’t want to go there? I will go. Don’t want to do anything? I will do everything.
  • He was: I will sit here, and hold you, and listen to you scream for our baby until your lungs give out and your voice is gone because the poison has to go somewhere. And I can take it.

He didn’t look the way I imagined it. He didn’t ride on a beautiful horse, with glinting armor and shining hair. He was weary. He was battered. He was bleeding. He had tears running down his face because his heart was broken too. But he never stopped fighting. He never stopped carrying me. He is my hero, and the champion of this family.

Jonathan, you are God’s greatest blessing to me. I would follow you anywhere. As always, you have my heart.

Photo credit:  Wise Capture

Photo credit: Wise Capture

****My comments:

As a mother, midwife and fully-vested-in Young Living member and believer, I so much wanted to help her address her fertility myself.  I am so proud of how she chose to address it herself, together as a couple.  She didn’t do what I wanted, she did what she needed.  Much of the dietary issues she dealt with came from a life-long history of a traditional American diet.  My fault, some of it ignorance, much of it laziness, some of it disagreement with my husband over the importance of organic/hormone-free foods versus GMO/hormone laden foods available in most grocery stores.

She completely changed her life in almost every way and transformed her body, her mind and her outlook, even in the face of direct attack and bullying from individuals in the medical community.  She was told by a medical doctor that her lifestyle choices, “will NOT MATTER, will NOT make any difference and furthermore, will NOT last.”  Can you even imagine how that would feel?  On the other hand, I was so excited and happy to hear about the way the naturopathic provider addressed her issues.  It helps that he uses a zyto, even though his is programmed for Standard Process vitamins instead of Young Living products like mine is.  🙂    Maybe one day I’ll get to meet and thank him.

 This is a very good blog post that a friend of mine posted a link to on Facebook several months ago.  It vastly changed the way I personally interact with people regarding this issue.  I very ignorantly would have thought nothing of asking someone without children if they were planning to have any.  I never even considered that they may be struggling with infertility or how that direct question would be felt.

The post suggests any number of issues that could be responsible for couples not having children:

  • health problems
  • bad timing
  • an unstable financial situation

The main thing that slapped me in the face is that “These aren’t issues they wish to discuss with strangers. And why should they?”

HELLO…. It’s intensely intimate.  Would you ask someone if they had had sex that morning?  NO, (well, I hope not anyway) and neither should you delve into someone’s intimate personal details without being directly invited.  In other words, if the other person doesn’t bring it up, DON’T YOU PRY!!  If someone invites you into the conversation, don’t offer advice unless asked.  

It is always appropriate to express your love for them, your promise of prayer and loving thoughts.  Don’t share the latest article, don’t give advise as to what positions during intercourse will accomplish pregnancy easier, don’t say you know how they feel, don’t compare your Aunt Susie’s fertility story.

Believe Essential oil from Young Living is a blend that was reformulated in time for the 2013 Convention, which had the name as the theme.  The blend has the oils: Idaho Balsam Fir, Coriander, Bergamot, Frankincense, Idaho Blue Spruce, Ylang Ylang, and Geranium.  The Essential Oils Pocket Reference describes the blend in this manner,

“Believe helps release the unlimited potential everyone possesses.  It restores feelings of hope, making it possible to more fully experience health, happiness and vitality.”

Staci and Big J…. I love you so much!  Congratulations! I am so happy for you and cannot wait to be a “Lolli” again  🙂   Thanks for allowing me to share you personal story.

Staci and myself on her wedding day, May 2009 Photo credit:  Heart and Light Photography

Staci and myself on her wedding day, May 2009
Photo credit: Heart and Light Photography

If you struggle with infertility, please know you are not alone, and drugs and surgery are not the only answers.  Much love & blessing to you all….as always,

3 John 2  “Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may PROSPER and be in GOOD HEALTH, just as your SOUL PROSPERS.”

Some Sources:

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Who’s in the mood for an Energy drink?

I saw this video clip today and it just CRACKS me up…..so I figured you would like it too!  883410_558846540814380_1440543224_o

NingXia Red is an AWESOME whole-body nutrient infusion.  It is created using orange, yuzu, lemon and tangerine essential oils mixed with the Ningxia wolfberry from China.

The benefits:

  • supports normal cellular function
  • supports good health and wellness
  • supports normal immune response
  • helps maintain normal eye health
  • provides d-limonene, a powerful antioxidant
  • supports healthy weight management when combined with a healthy diet and physical activity

Now….the video…..

and for EXTRA energy….there’s NingXia Nitro.

NingXia Red Bar at convention....cannot WAIT

NingXia Red Bar at convention….cannot WAIT

3 John 2  “Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may PROSPER and be in GOOD HEALTH, just as your SOUL PROSPERS.”

The birth of the Oola/Young Living combination/joint venture

The story as told to me by one of the authors, Dave Braun, of Oola, Find Balance in an Unbalanced World.  (I was also given permission to share it here.)

Mary Young read the book and loved it.  She read it aloud to Gary as they were driving on a trip a few short weeks before Convention 2013.  He also LOVED it.  When they returned home, Gary contacted the pair and told them he wanted to create an oil blend for “Oola” and have them come to Convention 2013 Believe and teach about it.  The interesting little-known “tid-bit” is that another oil company had JUST approached the pair with nearly the same offer, creating a blend to go with “Oola”.  Both companies created their blends and presented them to Dave and Troy.  They agreed, hands-down, that Young Living’s product was far superior to the other, and plans were made to attend the convention and create the exclusive to Young Living distributors, combo-pack.  The rest, as they say, is now history.

oola-balance-and-oola-grow-kitIt includes: the book, an ebook, a DVD, a membership to Oola life, and an enrollment to Oola life, and 2 essential oil blends, Balance & Grow.

BalanceBalance ingredients: lavender, frankincense, Idaho Blue Spruce, Ecuadorian ylang ylang, ocotea, Harmony™ and The Gift™.

Oola GrowGrow Ingredients: Highest Potential™, Acceptance™, Motivation™, Valor™, Into The Future™, and Douglas fir.

Focused:  Episode 1 Troy and Dave from Oola…here is a short clip which shows both the authors giving an interview.  Where are you, where do you want to go, how are you going to get there?

This was my very first new product to sample/experience at Convention 2013 and I absolutely LOVED the oils.  I also attended the workshop and thoroughly enjoyed it.  If you get a chance to hear them, go!  It will totally be worth your while!

Oola kit

Look for my more extensive review of the book, Oola, Find Balance in an unbalanced world in the upcoming edition of BirthNBabies magazine, due out soon.

For information on how to become a distributor:    and you may also purchase the book directly from their website or from Amazon in the Kindle edition.

3 John 2  “Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may PROSPER and be in GOOD HEALTH, just as your SOUL PROSPERS.”

Awww When they say PLEASE, how can you say no?

Following is a short video clip of my friend’s daughter asking her for some NingXia Red.  She’s very particular about WHICH NingXia Red she wants too.  Not just any will do.

NingXia Red comes in the nice glass bottle and also in serving size “packages” as our friend Selah prefers.

883410_558846540814380_1440543224_o

NingXia Red is a powerful antioxidant drink that contains whole NingXia wolfberry puree – a super blend of blueberry, aronia, cherry, pomegranate, and plum juices, natural stevia extract, grape seed extract, pure vanilla extract and orange, yuzu, lemon, and tangerine essential oils.  Its health benefits include support from head to toe, via a whole body nutrient infusion.  NingXia Red has been cherished for centuries for its health, energy, and longevity benefits.  Whole Ningxia wolfberries and other nutrient-dense fruit juices make NingXia Red the perfect choice for optimizing wellness and stepping up to a new level of health.  (From the Young Living website)

The wolfberries come from the Ningxia province in northern China.  This superfruit has one of the highest percentages of fiber of any whole food and contains zeaxanthin – a carotenoid important to maintaining healthy vision.

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I actually prefer my NingXia out of the glass bottle.  It’s easier for me to open. I’ve heard some people like to stick Popsicle sticks in the single serving size and freeze the “packages” for their kids in the summertime.

20130618_201236NingXia Red at Convention 2013

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So we drank a few at Convention….that’s what they were there for, right?

What’s your favorite way to drink NingXia Red?

Sources:

The “Before and After Girls”

What started out as just a random comment, led to a MEME which had 545 views in the first hour, and another 100 in the next 20 minutes.  There were comments like, “That is IT, I’m buying my ticket today!”

It has now (July 24th, 2013) been viewed by 4, 526 people and shared 59 Times, liked 68+ times on my AHeartforOils facebook page.  That’s a LOT of people and that’s my highest shared MEME/post so far 🙂

Before and After screenshot

While we were AT convention I had uploaded a few shots from my phone onto my facebook page and someone randomly commented how much younger (SHE) looked.  I thought….hummmm WHICH SHE??  We had some nice back & forth comments and that was that.  When I got home, I was looking through the pics and loading them from the phone onto my computer and just on a whim put some before/after shots of us together on a MEME.  I was actually pretty surprised myself at how much younger with BOTH looked in my own opinion.  She really did NOT want me to use it, and only allowed me to show it to a few people in a private group.  Everyone seemed astounded and so I BEGGED her, please, pretty please????… “YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!!!”  She finally relented and let me use it.

BEFORE and after Convention

What do you think?  Can you see the difference?

As a before/after “behind the scenes” for you…. I had just had an EXTREMELY stressful situation in my birth work right before leaving for convention.  It has the capacity to completely shut down my helping women inside of a particular hospital.  I just could not even deal with it before I left.  I tried to shake it off and went to the airport ready to absorb all manner of oily goodness.

Almost as soon as I got to the gate they announced a flight delay of an hour, which then went to two hours, then four and eventually like seven hours (I’m not exactly sure how long, I blocked that part of the memory!)  Many people on my original flight were rescheduled to the following day.  There was apparently a bad storm in Dallas, the city I was traveling through for a connection.  I did eventually get there that day, but because of several changes which included a change of airlines TWICE…you guessed it, my luggage did NOT arrive with me.  It was lost and I didn’t get it until the 3rd day there.  We had to go to a department store so I could purchase some personal care items and something to wear (after I borrowed one of my friend’s clothing for one of the days).

So when you see me in the first shot (the dark-haired one) I still had no luggage and was barely over the flight delays/emotional baggage.  

Then there was my friend, Carla, my midwifery mentor and very dear friend.  She did NOT want to come to convention even a little bit.  Her daughter, however, having attended the prior year was bound and determined that she WAS going.  She consorted together with another friend and they pretty much brought her practically kicking and screaming.  She was a few short weeks away from hostessing an enormous Birth conference, Trust Birth 2013, and felt guilty about NOT being home working on it, and promoting it.  Her list of excuses included:

  • Money
  • Time
  • Work
  • Guilt
  • Guilt
  • Guilt
  • A little more GUILT

My friends both “got skills” though and somehow corralled her into the car.  Now Carla says, “I did not want to go, nor did I think I had “time”.  I have already registered for next year and you could not KEEP me away.  I learned so much and was immersed in a very obvious quest for HEALTH.  I am incredibly impressed with the high standards and quality control of Young Living Essential Oils.”

The things we did during conference that I believe made the difference:

  • Immersed ourselves in sampling many different essential oils
  • Listening closely to the speakers and determined to LEARN
  • Tons & Ones of NingXia Red
  • Loads of Oxytocin from being with people we love
  • Belly laughter that turned to tears
  • Tears that turned to hugs
  • Lots of good food
  • A little bit of singing with Diamond Rio never hurt anybody!!

Here I am with Heather, Carla’s daughter, the one responsible for both of us being there really.  She is my direct upline and a delight…

and can I just say… “she gets THINGZ done”……

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So what about you?  Convention 2014?  Do you have tickets yet?

Promoting oils is a Ministry

Was I there for HER……or was SHE there for ME???   On my way out the door this morning…. my husband asks me to put an envelope in the mailbox for the mailman.  Having just been to the Convention, I was fulfilling the challenge by one of my upline to pursue failure (as a means of achieving success)  See HERE.  So I’m headed to a lady’s home to do a presentation for her to give me feedback on what she likes/does NOT like in regards to what I share.

“What should I change?  What should I leave out?  What do you like?  Do you see a difference?”

Before walking to the mailbox, I put my things in the car.   I’m thinking ahead to what I’m going to share.  I get to the mailbox and there is a lady walking down the road with her dog.  He’s not on a leash but is walking calmly beside her.  He walks right up to me.  “Hello, dog!  You come to my house to see me?”  Then I say to the lady, “he seems nice, my dog would never walk without a leash, she is a crazed maniac.”  That leads into, “well, he’s old now, he never used to be so calm.”….which leads into “see how his back is curved? well we use all kinds of supplements and medications for the pain and he gets around pretty well, glucosamine, chondroitin….and some other things….”

Now comes in the challenge.  I’m always thinking now…. “who can I share with?…do I REALLY believe these oils work?”  Having come back from Convention where they talked about Raindrop for animals, I knew that YES, I DO believe it.  The photo below shows where they were doing Raindrop on the horse.

Convention 2013  "Believe"
Convention 2013 “Believe”

I think to myself…..   “Am I going to sound like a crazy-woman?”  And I remember “pursue with abandon”…so I go for it.   “I use essential oils for pain with people and with our animals….. you can do a Raindrop on the dog, would you like my card?”  because remember, I’m on my way out, and I need to get moving.

She proceeds to tell me her story of being in the middle of moving, but yes, she’ll take my card, but her husband is already in another state….and today her relative is having surgery for advanced cancer…. so she’s all anxious about her surgery and what’s coming up in a few hours/etc.  So I say, “you need some frankincense then, come over to my car…”  where my oils ARE…because I’m headed out to do a PRESENTATION…. I have sample vials and I pour her one.  She asks me how to apply it, and I tell her however she wants to, crown of head, back of neck, on the feet.  Anoint her and pray…and I’ll be praying too.”  She is overcome with emotion and hugs me.  I am too and hug her back.  I feel so blessed to have been able to offer her just a snippet of hope.  I get in the car and go to my appointment, which I had mistakenly left early for, so I am right on time.  It is more about the ministry of healing than it is about pursuing a business.  The income enables sharing.

Frankincense

Frankincense

Frankincense is spiritually grounding and is used in many religious ceremonies.  It was one of the oils that was gifted to the Christ child in Scripture.  According to the Essential Oils Desk Reference, the medical properties are antitumoral, immuno-stimulant, antidepressant and muscle relaxing.  Praying she had a successful surgery, and that she’s doing well….

and I still wonder……

Was I there for HER……or was SHE there for me??

Favorite Young Living 2013 Convention Speaker

Decided to cover some of the things I learned/heard/picked up while at the Young Living Convention 2013.  Hit the ground running when I got home.  Went to visit my daughter, then my mother-in-love came to visit us. One of my younger sons (19yrs) moved out of our home while I was at Convention.  So I’m still attempting to get my house in order.  Then we’ve had an impromptu visit from my MIL’s brother and nephew so I’ve been even MORE busy.  I haven’t even sorted out my notes.  I have only glanced at everybody else’s too!

First things first…. both the Leadership session and the Opening General   session were given by Darren Hardy, publisher of Success magazine and mentor to CEOs and high-performance entrepreneurs.  He is a dynamic, enthusiastic motivational speaker.  Just listening to him makes you think …. “HEY, I could do THAT!!”  His bio says he has been a leader in the personal development industry for seventeen years.  He is a prolific speaker and as an 18 year old entrepreneur was earning a six-figure income.

He is attractive, clean-cut, well-spoken and the content of his information is easy to understand and makes you want to sit in closer to soak it up.  He would have to be my favorite speaker of the whole week.  (I’ll talk about the close 2nd next.)  There are many tools on his website and he freely shared his powerpoints and other information.

He showed a video clip of a successful man when asked how to win in business. Art was a high school football coach who had a dream and an idea and became a billionaire entrepreneur.  Art Williams, asks….”what does a $500,000 dollar a year man do that the $50,000 a year man do?”

Here is a longer version.

Darren talked about the advice he was given on being successful…

“Go fail – a lot. – Your goal is to out-fail your competition.  Whoever can fail the most, the fastest and the biggest wins.” 

He took that advice and in his own words, “became a failure-seeking maniac”  and went forward to become successful above and beyond what many of us can imagine. He ended up outselling an office of 44 agents combined. Combined!!  that means all of them put together.  I don’t emphasize that because I don’t think you understand it, but because that is an ENORMOUS feat, no? 

Here is a snippet of what he shared in his own words, his failure speech.

The one thing he said that hit me with the force of a hurricane had nothing to do with business or with essential oils.  It had everything to do with relationships particularly the marriage relationship.  He talked about percentages.   He asked….what percentage do you have to give in your marriage relationship for it to be successful?  Some say 50/50…you give half and the other person gives half.  Others say 80/20 as long as you give 80% then you’re doing your best.  I sat there thinking, no, it has to be 100/100…EACH person has to give 100%.  And his answer?

100/0.  You have to be willing to give 100% of yourself even if your partner is only giving 0%…that is personal responsibility.

Do you want to be right?  Or do you want to be happy?

Do you want to make moments of magic happen?

100% to 0% – That is the only way you can truly say you’ve given everything and done everything you can to make it work.  It’s not what you know, it’s what you do.  Stop looking for the quick fix.  It is the small, seemingly insignificant moment-by-moment choices.

Watch this clip for some Famous failures: 

So get out there…. and rack up some failures…chase it with reckless abandon!!